


let your defences down

by clarawrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Model agency AU, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22788256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarawrites/pseuds/clarawrites
Summary: “I'm gonna need you to take off your clothes to get the right measurements,” he said bluntly.Kuroo blinked a few times, disconcerted by Kenma's tone, but executed anyway. The next minute, he was standing in the middle of this big room, only wearing a boxer, facing Kenma. He, who was usually very confident and comfortable with his nudity, was suddenly very aware of it.__In which Kuroo Tetsurou is a very famous, very handsome model and Kozume Kenma is a renowned fashion designer that loves men but hates working with them. What happens when they end up having to work together?
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 45
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

Kenma didn’t like to work with men. He automatically sighed as soon as he entered the changing room and saw that loud, tall black haired guy, half naked and having a very lively conversation with some other models. He’d practice in his head all the way from his office to the changing room what he was going to say, how he was going to introduce himself. He was always awkward in the ‘first meeting’ kind of situations, even when it came to work. But he also didn’t have an assistant to take care of these first meetings, because he didn’t like when other people did the job for him. Kenma liked to be in control.

“Kuroo Tetsurou?” He called in a quiet voice.

There were a lot of people and effusion around him and he did not feel very comfortable. With all the noise, it seems like he had not heard him, so Kenma called again. Said Kuroo finally turned around and looked in his direction absently, like he hadn’t really seen him or payed attention to him. He walked towards him in a nonchalant way, still not properly looking at him, still talking to the other models, indifferent to Kenma.

“Kozume Kenma. I’ll be working with you for the Genderless campaign. Nice to meet you”.

“Ehhhh… Why would Yaku-san assign me a new assistant… What a pain. I’m sorry you had to come all the way here but I like my current assistant, she knows me and we work pretty well together.”

“Excuse me? I’m… the designer for the campaign.” Kenma did not try to hide the irritation in his voice. He knew he looked younger than his actual age but being mistaken for an assistant was a first.

“Oh.” Kuroo was finally looking at Kenma straight in the eyes. “Sorry man.”

Kenma raised an eyebrow and sighed again, annoyed by this half-hearted apology. He was already tired of working with this rude, mannerless guy. It was exactly the reason why Kenma barely ever worked with male models. They were all so good-looking and loved to take advantage of it and all thought that they had every rights about everything. But this time, the campaign project included men and women, and Kenma had to compromise because he really wanted to work on it. He could feel that he was getting angry, so he took a deep breath because after all, that Kuroo guy was just a model among the others he was meant to work with. Once he’d be with the whole team, things were going to be fine, he thought.

“Anyway,” he finally said, trying to keep his composure, “it seems like you forgot but we had an appointment.”

“We… did?” Kuroo was scratching the back of his head and had an awkward expression on his face. “Well let me put something on and I’ll be all yours,” he added with a sly smile curving the corner of his lips, “or I could just go like that, what do you think, Kenma?”

“Please put a shirt on. And it’s Kozume for you.”

Kenma did not like to be called by his last name. But there was something very unpleasant in the way Kuroo said his given name, something that sent a shiver down his spine, something that stung his skin. He didn’t like this feeling. Kuroo mumbled something about Kenma ‘not being a funny guy’ and his cheeks were slightly red, probably because he was embarrassed for being told off in front of the other models and make up assistants, who took upon the opportunity to make fun of him. But he still had this smirk on his face and this charming look in his eyes and Kenma was still so irritated. He felt a bit relieved that he did not have to work alone with him today, even though it was bound to happen eventually.

He glanced a sidelong look at the model, whose back muscles were stretching and tensing while he was putting a shirt on. The stylist had tried to put his hair in a weird sideway parting but it did not seem to stay in place. He was horribly tall, so tall that it made Kenma feel really tiny and invisible and his chest tighten. He was chatting and laughing with everyone around him and he radiated such a strong, mysterious aura. All eyes were on him and the talks and the laughs were in sync with each of his moves. Everything about him was irritating. So irritating.

**

Kuroo was restless. He had been feeling that way pretty much every day since his first encounter with that sullen fashion designer. It had been like, a week, and they’d only worked with the whole team so far. He hadn’t had the opportunity to be alone with him. To talk to him. Kuroo wasn’t sure why, but he really wanted to talk to him, to get his attention. To ask him if the first conversation they had made him hate Kuroo. Or to just ask about him, his intimate life, his favourite music or what he liked to do when he was alone at his place. Suddenly, the thought of being alone with Kenma and having a casual conversation with him sounded very appealing. He thought about his frail, tiny figure. He thought about how Kenma had to look up to talk to Kuroo the other day, because he was so small next to him. He thought about his odd hair, wondering the reason why he’d die it that colour, even though he actually thought it suited him very well. He thought about his low, monotonous voice pronouncing his full name. _Kuroo Tetsurou_.

He couldn’t manage to focus on Daichi’s directions for the photoshoot, because his brain was entirely preoccupied by something else. He was swinging from one foot onto the other, and then he bit his lower lip and that was it. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Hey, Dai.”

Daichi most likely hadn’t heard him because he was so focused on adjusting the angle of the camera and getting the right lighting for the perfect photo. He was frowning in concentration. Kuroo called a second time. And a third.

“Oi, earth to Daichi!”

“For fuck’s sake what is it Kuroo?” Daichi asked with a sigh and a voice full of exasperation.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Does it have anything to do with what we’re doing right now?”

“…. No.”

Daichi raised one eyebrow and sighed again. He put down the camera and sat down on the floor because there was no seat in this damn photoshoot room, nodding to Kuroo so that he would do the same. After all, they deserved a small break. Kuroo smiled in satisfaction and walked towards Daichi, who threw a towel at him and asked him to ‘cover himself up’. He was not shirtless this time but he might as well have been. This photoshoot involved him wearing very… suggestive outfits, with very little fabric. Kuroo was not one to get shy and embarrassed and had posed naked more than once, but he knew that Daichi was not comfortable with this sight. They’d known each other for years and still, Daichi would turn around when Kuroo would get changed, and he would get offended if Kuroo didn’t do the same. He was such a prude, and Kuroo loved to tease him about it. So he sat down, facing Daichi, and didn’t cover himself up. The tiny shorts he was wearing were so tight around his crotch, and Daichi’s eyes were all round and wide open, and his cheeks red.

“You’re such a dick, seriously.”

“You’re so cute, Dai,” Kuroo teased while putting the towel around his waist. “you were definitely staring though.”

“Anyway, what did you want to ask?” the photographer said without picking on Kuroo’s comment.

“Um. You know that Kozume guy?”

“Kenma?”

“So you get to call him by his first name? What’s the deal with this dude, seriously…” Kuroo pouted, “he was so cold with me and asked me to call him Kozume and didn’t laugh at my jokes. It feels like he hates me, but I really don’t get why. What’s not to love about me?” He added, imitating a little girl’s voice.

“Well I don’t know, maybe that’s because you’re such a pain in the ass whose humour only amuses you,” Daichi replied with a very serious tone, before giving a cheeky grin to Kuroo.

Kuroo brought his hand to his mouth and pretended to be profoundly hurt and shocked by Daichi’s words, as if their entire friendship wasn’t just based on taking the piss out of each other. He loved that he could have someone he could trust so much, who wasn’t afraid to be honest with him and who took the time to dig beyond the shallow surface of ‘the handsome and popular model’. Kuroo was so much more than that, but most people didn’t know that because they didn’t want to see it. Or maybe because Kuroo didn’t want them to see. Having these thoughts made him feel a bit sad, and he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, leaning his head down. Daichi kicked him lightly in the shin so that he would look at him.

“You know, I don’t really know Kenma that much, we’ve just worked together a few times. But he’s not exactly the extrovert type. He doesn’t open up very easily. You two are very different, maybe he was a bit intimidated. I doubt he hates you,” he paused, and then added with a very sincere smile, “there's nothing to hate about you.”

Kuroo smiled back, letting his friend know how grateful he was for everything he told him. It was weird, how this tiny, blond guy he didn’t even know made him feel so insecure about himself, so powerless. Kuroo was used to being in control, in every aspect of his life. He could feel though, this time, that he was the one being controlled. Controlled by his emotions that were all over the place, controlled by his need of recognition and acceptance, controlled by other people’s opinion of him. Controlled by Kenma’s opinion of him. And Kuroo really didn’t know what to do with these feelings.

**

It had been about two weeks since Kenma started working on the Genderless campaign. So far, he’d only met collectively with the representatives of the partner magazine and with all the models he would be working with. He spent the rest of his time locked up in his office working on designing outfits and thinking of the right accessories for every model. So he’d come up with stuff like bright coloured suits for female models and long, sexy skirts for males. It made him realise how hard it was to design clothes for men without it being a complete materialisation of his secret fantasies. It was so much easier for him to be neutral with women, because they reflected nothing sexual for him. A woman’s body was beautiful, full of grace and elegance, but it made Kenma feel the kind of fascination he felt when looking at a nice Van Gogh painting. But a man’s tall, athletic figure, prominent abdominal muscles with sharp hipbones, only made Kenma feel lust. The image of Kuroo half-naked in the changing room flashed in his head suddenly and Kenma blushed, as if someone was watching him and knew every one of his twisted thoughts.

That day, he had to meet with some models to take measurements so that he could finally start making the clothes. He glanced down at the list of the names he was given for the day, and mumbled ‘damn it’ followed by a sigh when he saw that ‘Kuroo Tetsurou’ was written down. It was going to be a long day, he thought. He didn't want to face him today. The past few group meetings they had, the model was always trying to be in the light, always making silly jokes when Kenma was trying to work seriously, always going around distracting the models, the make up artists, the photographers… Kenma was really trying his best to get everyone to listen to him when they were discussing the project, even if it was really hard for him to be in this position of leader - especially of such a big project. But as soon as Kuroo was around, it was like Kenma's directives didn't matter anymore. Everybody wanted to hear the model's thoughts about the project - which were completely stupid and out-of-theme, Kenma thought -, and then one thing leading to another, people were discussing things completely unrelated to work but totally related to Kuroo. Kenma didn't want to know about what Kuroo did the night before, or _who_ he spent the night with, he just wanted to work in peace.

He was done with four models already when he glanced at his list and realised that Kuroo was the next one. He waited 15 minutes before there was a knock on the door that startled him and brought him back to reality. 

"Good afternoon, Kozume." Kuroo said in a honeyed voice.

"You're late," Kenma muttered coldly. 

"Man, are greetings optional here?" the tall man said with a snort, "Sorry dude, I got caught up in this fight between two other models, it was so funny you should have seen this."

Kenma was not amused at all. "Why do you have to be so unprofessional?" 

His monotonous and quiet voice contrasted with his angry frown. Kuroo immediately stopped smiling and stood by the door for a minute, not knowing if he should shut up or try to lighten the atmosphere with another joke. He opted for the first option because Kenma obviously didn't seem to be in the mood to laugh. Kuroo walked towards Kenma and he was about to step on the footboard in front of him, but he then retracted.

"Mh, maybe you should, you know… stand on it instead. You know. Height difference. I'm guessing that's what it's here for anyway" he explained, this unusual awkward expression on his face once again.

Kenma nodded. "I'm gonna need you to take off your clothes to get the right measurements," he said bluntly.

Kuroo blinked a few times, disconcerted by Kenma's tone, but executed anyway. The next minute, he was standing in the middle of this big room, only wearing a boxer, facing Kenma. He, who was usually very confident and comfortable with his nudity, was suddenly very aware of it. His throat tightened up, almost as if he was holding his breath, waiting for Kenma to do his job and touch him all over his body. He didn't hate that thought. The blonde man took his measuring tape, a pen and stood on the footboard, his face right in front of Kuroo. So close to him.

Kenma was feeling very uneasy, but tried his best to hide it. He was avoiding Kuroo's gaze but he could feel that he was observing each of his movements. He started by measuring his shoulders. They were wide and strong, very athletic. His gaze slipped to his very sharp collarbones, and just above his Adam's apple moved when Kuroo swallowed loudly. Kenma wrote down the measurement on his hand, put the pen in his mouth and then went for the chest. He wrapped his arms around it to place the measuring tape and brought it back to the front. He felt his finger brush Kuroo's pectoral muscles but kept a straight, expressionless face, even though his heart was beating fast. He then stepped off the footboard to measure the model's thin and well-defined waist and then, his hips. He let his eyes wander on Kuroo's abs and beautifully apparent Apollo's belt. _Just like he loves it_. As he was about to do Kuroo's inseam, his head was hazy and full of thoughts he didn't want to have.

Kuroo was feeling way too many things at the same time. A part of him couldn't help but feel amused by the very embarrassing situation. The room was so silent that the sound of Kenma's fingers brushing against his skin resonated so loud in his ears. Every one of his moves made him shiver slightly and he hoped that Kenma couldn't notice. When he felt Kenma's touch on his nipples, he had to bite his lips not to moan. That would have given Kenma a real reason to call him unprofessional. He could feel his breath against his skin. He felt really hot suddenly. When he stepped down to measure his waist and hips, Kuroo glanced down at him. Strands of hair were falling on his face even though he'd tied them in a small ponytail. His hands were so tiny, his fingers long and thin, and he was wearing a dark grey nail polish. He didn't know why, but Kuroo really liked that small detail. He could picture Kenma coming out of his bath and carefully picking the colour he would apply on his nails, and then delicately painting them. He imagined Kenma would probably have that same concentrated expression he had at that moment while he was doing it. He was really cute when he was making that face, Kuroo thought. When Kenma was about to measure his inseam, he realised how his face was so close to his crotch and he quickly looked away and cleared his throat, hoping Kenma couldn't see his red face.

The tension was starting to be unbearable. Without even thinking, without even wanting to begin a proper conversation, Kenma blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"You have the body of an athlete." Kenma realised at the very same moment what he'd just said and felt the heat coming to his cheeks.

"I see you have a sharp eye," Kuroo said with a sly smirk. "I used to play volleyball when I was in high school. I still do, for fun."

"Oh… so did I." 

"See, we have things in common!"

Kenma rolled his eyes and thought he should just stop the conversation here. And yet he couldn't help but go on further. "I hope for your teammates that you were more serious when playing volleyball than you are here."

"Hey, I'm always getting the work done. Modelling is just… exhausting sometimes." 

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. He started to talk about how intense his job was, how much pressure he had to handle. At first, Kenma was irritated just like the first time they met and thought that Kuroo was obnoxious and talked way too much and wasted his time. He sat down on the footboard and looked up to see the model’s face. He did seem tired, almost vulnerable. He didn’t seem passionate like Kenma was. Since he was a kid, Kenma always knew he wanted to design his own clothes when he grew up. Everything he did was driven by this objective. Kuroo, on the contrary, just stumbled on an audition for the Ace Modelling Agency one day and took the opportunity to make a bit of money while studying sciences at university. He ended up dropping out, out of laziness and bad influences and because he was indeed making a lot of money, so he didn’t need a degree anymore. Or so he thought. Now he’d started to lose the excitement of modelling and being recognised only for his looks. He also realised that he wouldn’t look handsome all his life but his brain would always be there. He felt stupid for neglected that. Kenma almost told him he really was stupid but then Kuroo looked straight at him. Kenma hadn’t noticed at first, but there was something off in Kuroo’s eyes. Something a bit sad, something like regret. Kenma felt sorry for him, for the wrong life choices he’d made. So instead of shutting him up, he didn’t say anything and just sat there for a while, listening to Kuroo vent a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first Haikyuu work and kuroken is my comfort ship so I really hope you enjoy this story as much as I loved writing it. It's not completely done yet but it should be about 5-6 chapters long I guess. Hang on with me if you want to know how Kuroo and Kenma get together!
> 
> Feel free to talk to me in the comments or on twitter (@daisugababy)!!


	2. Chapter 2

“Kenma, what happened? You look terrible.”

Kenma detached his eyes from the pages of the haute couture magazine he was trying - or rather pretending - to read. He raised his head and planted his look into Akaashi's eyes. Akaashi was looking at him half worried, half amused by his bed-head.

“Good to see you too, Akaashi.”

“Did you not sleep last night? And isn't it a bit late for breakfast anyway?” Akaashi asked, as he sat down on the chair facing Kenma. 

It was unusual for them to have breakfast together, and if they did Kenma usually chose a place further from work. He hated running into people he knew. But he’d fallen asleep at his office, just like it had happened last week, twice already. He’d woken up in the morning slouched on his desk, hazy and confused, with a massive headache from the lack of sleep. His office only had glass doors and walls, so he could see the inquiring look on people’s face, people who’d probably noticed him sleeping just a minute before. Then, he remembered the possibility that a _very specific someone_ might run into him with that terrible morning face of his. He immediately got up of his chair, tried to tie up his hair so that it would look like something socially acceptable, grabbed a coat and left his office. He kept looking down at his feet until he was out of the agency building and rushed to the closest cafe, calling Akaashi on the way to tell him to meet him. He would usually call him up and just ask him to buy him coffee on his way to the agency but this time he really felt like he needed some fresh air. 

He knew, somehow, that his mind was not foggy _just_ from sleep. Lately, he’d been feeling constantly anxious and preoccupied but he couldn’t understand why. Maybe, it was because he was too invested in the campaign project. But it was not unusual for him to throw himself wholeheartedly in everything related to work. After all, Kenma didn’t really have anything other than work in his life. Not that he minded though, because it was a personal choice of his. He just didn’t value his personal and intimate life as much as he cared for his job, which was a lot more than just a job for him, it was his passion, his dream that he was lucky enough to make a living out of. He didn’t have a lot of friends either. There was Akaashi, who was the only model that was bearable, and there was Kageyama, who was a bit awkward, just like him, but very reliable. 

And then, there was Kuroo. The more Kenma was thinking about it, the more he felt like that guy had something to do with his weird mood. He was so obnoxious, complacent, unprofessional and constantly distracting him from work. But no matter how much Kenma didn’t want to admit it, Kuroo was also very attractive. That’s why he was one of the most popular models in the AMA. Not only was he charming and mysterious but he also had an incredibly fit body and a very nice face. His features were strongly defined and his gaze was so intense you’d think he could see through your soul. He was also attractive in the very literal sense of the term, as in _Kenma was attracted to him._

Suddenly, Kenma realised where his mind had drifted away and he felt extremely embarrassed, as if Akaashi could tell what he was thinking about. 

“Work has been pretty hard on me for the past few weeks,” Kenma said eventually, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them. 

“Maybe cause you put way too much pressure on your shoulders, Kenma. You’re not a superhuman, you need to rest just like anyone else. Just delegate some of your work to Kageyama, he’ll be happy to help.”

“I don’t want to!” His voice was a bit higher than intended, “this project is really important for me. I don’t want someone else to work on the clothes. What if it doesn’t end up the way I want it to be…”

“You’re a real control freak.” Akaashi paused, and then smiled softly. “Isn’t also because you don’t want anyone else to work with Kuroo-san?” 

“I… what does he have to do with this?”

“I don’t know. Just an intuition. You spend a lot of time complaining about how annoying you think he is, how… what’s the word you always use?”

“Unprofessional.”

“Yes, unprofessional,” Akaashi chuckled, “Anyway, somehow… you still seem kind of fond of him.”

Kenma could feel the heat coming to his cheeks. So Akaashi really had read his mind. “I’m not fond of him. He really is annoying, you know.”

“I know. He can be a lot. But he still is a nice person. It’s okay if you want to get to know him. You should allow yourself something new and refreshing. You deserve it.”

Kenma didn’t say anything more, but he thought about what Akaashi said the whole day. Did he really want to get to know Kuroo? There were so many reasons why the answer should be no. Kenma did not have the time to get to know anyone, let alone getting to know the most popular yet irritating model he was working with. And even if he did want to get to know him - which he did _not_ -, Kuroo had made it very clear that he was very much indifferent to Kenma. Which was not a surprise, since there were so many more interesting people surrounding him. They were both way too different. Actually, they were the complete opposite. Kenma hated having the attention on him. Kuroo was literally living in the light. He was like a magnet that attracted everyone towards him, whereas Kenma always distanced himself from people. He was really cool, Kenma thought, and it really made him feel uncomfortable. There was no way there could ever be any form of relationship between them, Kenma just knew it. 

Kenma had spent so much time thinking about unnecessary things that he’d barely gotten any work done that day. He was really frustrated and discontent with himself. And so he knew he was going to spend another long night at the office. He still had so many clothes details to work on before the first campaign photoshoot with the partner magazine. It was about midnight, Kenma was so exhausted his eyes were burning. And then, he saw a tall silhouette with dark hair slipping through his glass doors, and he almost thought the fatigue was giving him hallucinations. He blinked twice before realising that it really was Kuroo who had just come in, at midnight, in his office. He hadn’t been alone with him since _that day,_ a week ago or so.

“Kozume,” he greeted with a mischievous voice. 

“Kuro.”

The model walked closer to Kenma's desk, and the blond man was all of a sudden very self-conscious. He hadn’t had a proper night of sleep in days, was still wearing the same clothes as the day before, and his office was messy from all the work he'd been doing on clothes and all the hours he'd spent here.

"So you're allowed nicknames and I don't even have the right to call you by your first name?" Kuroo had an amused expression on his face when he sat on the chair facing Kenma's desk.

Kenma smiled slightly, so discreet that he thought Kuroo wouldn't notice. He didn’t comment on Kuroo’s teasing though, and rolled his eyes instead. “What are you doing here? It's late.”

“I could ask the same of you.”

The question did not sound inquisitive, and Kuroo’s voice was more gentle than the usual. His head was resting in his hand, his long fingers stretching along his cheek, his eyes planted on Kenma. Kenma couldn't stop staring at his hand. It was so big. And his fingers. So long. For a second Kenma thought about what he would love these hands to do to him. He thought about having them all over him, exploring the most secret parts of his body, fulfilling his darkest desires. It sent a shiver down his spine but this time, it was not unpleasant. And he was feeling very hot. He closed his eyes and exhaled to come back to his senses. When he opened them again, Kuroo was still staring at him, still wearing that sly, annoying smile. Kenma cleared his throat before breaking the heavy silence that had filled the room. 

“I’m working as you can see. I have a lot to do, I’ll probably be here all night.”

“All night?” He repeated, a bit astonished, “you’re crazy. I was working with Daichi on a photoshoot we did a few days ago, and we lost track of time. We didn’t think anyone else was still in the building.”

“Well, if you ever think you’re the last one to leave the agency, think again,” Kenma said with a tiny chuckle. “I’m always around.”

“Are you saying, perhaps… you live here?”

“Please don’t leak my secret. The boss wouldn’t like it,” he said with a serious face. 

Kuroo laughed softly. “I won’t. I promise.” He paused, and rubbed the back of his head, looking a bit awkward, just like the first time they met. It really did not match his usual impertinent and mysterious image. He then seemed to hesitate before adding, “I doubt I can be of any help with the clothes cause I can’t do anything with my hands. But if you want, I can stick around for a bit. For moral support, you know.”

Kenma didn’t give any answer. Instead, he just shrugged his shoulders and got back to work, which he knew was enough for Kuroo to take as a yes. Kuroo made himself comfortable and lied down on Kenma’s desk and put his head on his folded arms, using them as a pillow. To be fair, Kenma really hated to be watched while he was working, and he was feeling even more uneven because he knew Kuroo would be annoying and distract him. Even so, he weirdly enjoyed the company. It did feel lonely and a bit scary sometimes, all these long nights alone in this enormous building. 

Kuroo’s face was so, so close to Kenma’s hands. Any hasty, unintentional movement, could result in them touching each other. The whole time he was here, Kuroo did not take his eyes off Kenma. Kenma could feel his gaze following each of his hands’ movements on the fabric, and sometimes going up to watch his face focused on what he was doing. Kuroo would do some observations from time to time, in a very soft voice that was almost a whisper. Kenma’s answers were always brief, but always there. Then Kuroo seemed to get more comfortable, Kenma thought, as he started telling stupid and dorky jokes, and Kenma would roll his eyes and even if he didn’t laugh, he couldn’t help but let the tiniest smile spread on his face. This whole moment felt so intimate, almost familiar even though they barely knew each other. But Kenma actually felt weirdly comfortable. 

At some point, he thought that the model had fallen asleep because his breath had become steadier, but when he looked down his eyes met Kuroo’s, still wide open. Kenma’s heart fluttered so he looked away, hoping that his facial expression wouldn’t betray him. Kuroo stayed silent. Kenma was wondering how many minutes, or hours, the other man had been watching him. He was so tired that he couldn’t keep track of time anymore. He started feeling drowsy, and without even realising it, dozed off for a few minutes. 

He was startled when a small press on his hand pulled him out of his sleep. Kuroo was holding his hand, examining the tip of his fingers, calloused and damaged from the manual work. He then looked at Kenma, who was wearing a confused expression on his face. Kuroo reached out to Kenma’s face and when he touched his hair, tucking a strand behind his ear, Kenma closed his eyes and stopped breathing. Suddenly, as if he’d been struck by lightning, he came out of his drowsiness and realised what was happening. He withdrew his hand from Kuroo’s hold and stood up, not really knowing what to do or say. 

“I… I think you should go home. It’s getting really late. I’m almost done anyway so you don’t have to stay.”

“Oh. Okay. I get it.” 

Kuroo was wearing a frown, and his voice sounded a bit sad. He got up a bit hastily, took a deep breath and moved closer to the other man. Kenma’s eyes were avoiding his. Once again, he reached out to Kenma’s face, but this time he stroked his hair and patted his head. Then, he leaned in and gently kissed Kenma’s forehead. Kenma had stayed still the entire time, his body not responding to his brain anymore. The haziness and the shock had made him numb. 

“Goodnight, _Kenma_ ,” Kuroo said in a whisper.

Kenma did not have any time to proceed what just happened and to say anything back, Kuroo was already gone. He was left alone, panting, his heart pounding in his chest, his face red and hot, and he couldn’t help but wonder if all of this wasn’t just a crazy dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry if you expected a kiss but well Kuroo and Kenma will have to pine for each other a bit more hehe. 
> 
> Come and talk to me in the comments or on twitter (@daisugababy)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small warning before you read: I tagged it but just in case it really bothers you, there will be some suggestive NSFW descriptions (not porn but yeah).  
> Enjoy the chapter!

Kuroo: okay hear this out

Kuroo: I can see you read the message so don’t ignore me

Daichi: ugh. what do you want

Kuroo: he had his hair tied up last night.

Daichi: I’m guessing this is about Kenma

Kuroo: of course!! Who else

Kuroo: anyway. That was so attractive. He’s so attractive.

Kuroo: also, I kinda held his hand and kissed him on the forehead

Daichi: well that escalated quickly

Daichi: what did he say??

Kuroo: wow two question marks, you must really be interested

Daichi: not interested, just worried for Kenma’s sake

Kuroo: he didn’t say anything, I left right away lol

Kuroo: oi don’t be mean. Anyway, it gave me some courage to try something out with him

Daichi: please don’t, you’ll only embarrass yourself more

Kuroo: that’s not nice why would you say that I’m so cool and good-looking 

Daichi: you’re a massive dork. Once he realises that it’s over for you. If that’s not already the case

Kuroo: :(

Daichi: how do you even know he’s single anyway

Kuroo: I just do. I can sense that in people

Daichi: Akaashi-kun told you?

Kuroo: ….. he did

Kuroo: stop ruining the fun Dai

Daichi: whatever. If you don’t need me anymore I’d like to go back to work. I still have a lot to do if I want these photos of you to actually look decent

Kuroo: fuck you Sawamura

Kuroo dropped his phone next to him and covered his eyes with his arm. It was four in the afternoon, he was lying on his couch and he desperately needed a nap but he could not manage to fall asleep. He couldn’t recall the time he left Kenma’s office the night before. He even thought he dreamt about being there at all at first. Daichi was right, he’d made a complete fool of himself, flirting nonchalantly like that with Kenma. The thought of Kenma’s soft touch in his own hand, his face so close to his, made Kuroo blush. He then realised how stupid he was probably looking, a 24 year-old man behaving like a smitten high schooler. He couldn’t help but wondering if Kenma was thinking about him too. He was probably telling Akaashi all about how obnoxious Kuroo was and how much he disliked him. 

Kuroo had two days off in a row, which almost never happened, but he didn’t know what to do with himself and all this free time. He wanted to see Kenma. He grabbed his phone again and was about to message him when he realised he didn’t even have his number. He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair, then let it rest on his face. He couldn’t sleep because he kept thinking about Kenma. But he couldn’t contact him, and even more, he _shouldn’t_ contact him. But _he wanted to talk to him._

Kuroo: DA

Kuroo: I

Kuroo: CHI

Daichi: can’t you just forget that I exist for today

Kuroo: :( 

Kuroo: I don’t wanna bother, I just need a favour

Daichi: THAT’S bothering. 

Daichi: what do you want

Kuroo: could you

Kuroo: maybe

Kuroo: give me

Kuroo: Kozume’s number? 

Daichi: first of all you really have to stop quadruple-texting me

Daichi: second, why would I do that?

Kuroo: because you’re my best friend and you love me no matter how bad you won’t admit it

Daichi: fine whatever, if it’ll make you stop being a burden to me for at least a few hours. I’ll transfer the info

Kuroo: I’m not sure whether I should thank you or tell you to go fuck yourself. It’s really a love-hate relationship 

Daichi: talk to you tomorrow Kuroo. 

His phone lit up one more time, with the number of Kenma and a middle-finger emoji in a message from Daichi. Kuroo snorted, amused. He stayed there for a while, contemplating his phone and the idea of texting Kenma. He wanted to, but he really didn’t know what to say. After a few minutes stuck in his own thoughts, he decided to go take a shower to cool his head. It did not seem to work though. The images of the night before played in his head. He thought of how bad he wanted to kiss Kenma and hold his frail body against his own. 

He then thought of how nice it would be, his body against his own, wet in the shower. His mind trailed off and soon he was really hot, really hard. He moved his hand between his legs and jerked his fantasies off, and oh god he wanted to fuck Kenma so bad. How sad he was, panting, jerking off while thinking about this guy he was working with. Kuroo hadn’t had sex in a while, and he felt tired and weak and like it was a matter of seconds before he would reach climax. So he imagined Kenma naked, hard, kneeling in front of him and blowing him to deliver him from his misery. He soon cried out pathetic little noises and came weakly, out of breath, his head completely under the shower head to try and bring him back to reality. 

When Kuroo came out of the shower, he felt weirded out and ashamed. He still wanted to text Kenma, but he felt like he would instantly see through the obscene thing he just did while thinking about him. He wandered around the apartment with his towel tied around his waist, head overflowing with thoughts just like before the shower, maybe even more. He made himself a nice warm tea with a bit of honey and sat on his window, sipping on it absentmindedly. He felt lonely, just like he always did when he was alone at home with nothing to do. Maybe he’d go out that night, dance a bit to shake his feelings off. He might meet a girl, or a boy, and get rid of these horny urges of his. But then again he wasn’t exactly a big fan of meaningless hook-ups you barely even remember the next morning - even though his night outs usually ended up like that. Kuroo was more of the romantic kind. No one actually believed it, except Daichi because he’d always seen clear through Kuroo’s games and pretending. It wasn’t always easy in the modelling world where no one really had time nor wished for a real relationship, and every interaction was so shallow, deprived of realness. 

Kuroo couldn’t recall the last time he actually found real interest in someone for their mind and thoughts. Maybe it was also why he was so intrigued by Kenma. Kenma didn’t seem to belong to this world. He wasn’t hiding. Not that he was the most expressive person on the planet, but at least he wasn’t pretending to be someone he’s not. He didn’t fake interest in stuff he didn’t care about, he just really cared about his job and Kuroo somehow found it so endearing. _God he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about him._ That was it. In a great act of courage - or maybe recklessness - Kuroo took his phone, saved Kenma’s number in his contacts and went to type a new message. 

Kuroo: hey. Did you manage to get some sleep in an actual bed last night? 

Kuroo: it’s Kuroo, by the way

Kuroo: sorry to bother, Daichi gave me your number

Kuroo cursed himself for being totally awkward in the span of one minute and three messages - and for triple-texting too. Kenma would most definitely ignore his messages and he would deserve it. He waited for what felt like eternity, staring at his screen, his feet frantically kicking, and finally a new message popped up. 

Kenma: hey. I ended up going home not long after you left. 

Kuroo thought that was all there was to Kenma’s answer and well, it shouldn’t have been a surprise because there wasn’t much more to say and he was not the type to engage into small talks anyway, so why would he bother with Kuroo. He still felt a bit disappointed and regretted texting him in the first place. But then his phone buzzed again. 

Kenma: I’d almost forgotten what it’s like to wake up at home. How’s your day off?

Kuroo: haha you might really want to move into your office at this rate

Kuroo: it’s so boring!! I hate having so much free time on my hands

Kenma: you know, I’m really considering it. 

Kenma: Same. I’m always working even at home.

Kuroo: oh my god please don’t actually do it

Kuroo: I’m really concerned about your lifestyle Kenma…

Kenma: I won’t. And I can’t tell whether or not you’re joking.

Kenma: also I guess it’s Kenma from now on?

Kuroo: well you know, only partly

Kuroo: uh, yeah… I mean, you did call me Kuro

Kuroo: so I figured it was okay to get a little familiar??

Kenma: don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself, mostly. 

Kenma: fair point, Kuro. 

Kuroo couldn’t help the stupid smile on his face while reading the messages. The conversation kept flowing and Kenma was super sarcastic like always, but all the bickering and teasing was actually very enjoyable. And of course, Kuroo overthought every little detail. Kenma was asking questions, as if he was interested in Kuroo. Kenma had a nickname for him. And he was okay with Kuroo being familiar. Somehow this made Kuroo stupidly happy, and he felt a lot closer to Kenma than before. After a few messages, Kuroo could imagine Kenma’s face every time he was saying something stupid, he’d probably roll his eyes and sigh but Kuroo also wanted to believe that he would have the tiniest smile on his face, just like he did the night before, when he thought Kuroo couldn’t see. Kuroo let out a long ‘aah’ and slouched himself on his couch. He felt so flustered. He really wanted to see Kenma. Once again, he felt brave and decided to just _go for it_.

Kuroo: hey a few of us are going out tonight, do you wanna join?

Kenma: us?

Kuroo: from the agency 

Kenma: I’m not friends with people you hang out with.

Kuroo: you’re friends with Akaashi

Kuroo: and he’s coming

Kenma: I don’t know Kuro. It’s not really my thing. 

Kuroo: c’mon you’re not gonna stay locked up at home while everyone’s out having fun

Kuroo: don’t be such a party pooper

Kuroo: please?

Kuroo: (you have to imagine me trying to convince you with my best puppy eyes here)

Kenma: if I’m so boring you probably shouldn’t invite me. 

_Shit._

Kuroo: No hey

Kuroo: I’m sorry Kenma that’s not what I meant

Kuroo: please don’t be mad that was really stupid I shouldn’t have said that

Kuroo: I just really wanted to hang around with you

Kuroo really had to be desperate to send that last message. But he couldn’t tell if Kenma was really annoyed or if he wasn’t answering on purpose, making sure Kuroo was feeling really stupid and guilty. He slapped his face and cursed himself. Everything was going smoothly so he might have gotten carried away and gone too far into Kenma’s private space. Kuroo started freaking out. Maybe his comment really upset Kenma after all. Maybe he thought Kuroo was a huge dick for making fun of him. Maybe he’d just ruined his only chance to get to know Kenma, to get him to like him. Maybe he’d just pushed away the only guy he was truly interested in. Kuroo’s chest tightened at this thought, and he wondered what was that strange feeling in his stomach. He kept looking at the last message he sent. Minutes had passed and Kenma had read the message but he wasn’t typing anything. Kuroo assumed that he was ignoring him and that things would definitely be awkward between them next time they would meet. He was about to call Daichi and complain for at least the next 24 hours but then a message came. Kuroo’s eyes went wide. 

Kenma: Okay. I’ll come. 

Kenma: (you have to imagine me sighing extremely loud because you’re very annoying.)

Kuroo’s jaw dropped. _What the hell._ He’d invited Kenma out. And Kenma said yes. He had to rub his eyes and re-read the message to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. A wide smile spread on his face and he let out a shout of victory, getting up from the couch and jumping around his living room. He felt like a teenager going out with his crush for the first time. It wasn’t even going to be just the two of them. It wouldn’t be very intimate. He knew he had to calm down and not get ahead of himself. But he couldn’t help feeling so happy and full of hope. 

**

“I already regret coming,” Kenma mumbled.

Akaashi chuckled and pushed Kenma’s back lightly to make him step into the loud and crowded place. “I didn’t force you.”

Kenma shrugged but didn’t say anything. He quickly scanned the club to know how many people he was going to have to avoid that night. There were too many to count. He felt overdressed - literally. All the guys here were topless and it wouldn’t make a big difference if they weren’t wearing any bottoms. They had glitters everywhere on their face, their arms, their chest. They were most likely all models because they were all so tall and gorgeous. Kenma really felt out of place. He hated himself for thinking coming was actually a good idea. He couldn’t believe he got _charmed_ by Kuroo’s clumsiness. The truth was, Kenma was curious to see how Kuroo would behave with him after what happened the night before, and the messages they exchanged. He was also very interested in seeing what kind of places Kuroo spent his nights at, what kind of persons he hung out with. He wondered if Kuroo was half naked just like everyone else here. He didn’t hate that thought. 

“We can leave if you want to,” Akaashi said in a composed voice.

But Kenma knew Akaashi also had very specific reasons to be here, or rather a very specific someone he wanted to see. His cheeks were pink because he’d noticed Bokuto in the crowd, and his eyes were twinkling. Kenma didn’t want to ruin his friend’s night when it had barely even begun. He took a deep breath and told Akaashi that he was going to stay for a bit. Maybe Kenma would get wasted. It might help making the night slightly bearable.

“Kenma,” called a soft voice from behind, and a hand grabbed his shoulder. “You came.”

He turned around to face Kuroo, who was smiling softly, his gaze planted in Kenma’s eyes. Kenma felt breathless for a second, but he tried to keep his composure. Kuroo was wearing black make-up on his eyes, which made his gaze a lot sharper than the usual. There was a light in his eyes that was unusual as well, Kenma assumed it was because of alcohol. He looked down to see that Kuroo was not exactly topless, but still _topless_. He had a red, mesh top that was completely see through, and _oh my god_ his nipples were pierced. Kenma could have sworn that they weren’t the last time he saw Kuroo shirtless. He could feel the heat coming to his cheeks and he also felt warm in the stomach. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He tried to keep a straight face but obviously failed because Kuroo started laughing loudly.

“I got them done last week, they hurt like a bitch,” he explained. “Stupid bet with Bokuto.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t chicken out.”

“Oi!” He protested. “It was a question of honour. I did freak out when I saw the needle though.” 

Kenma shook his head in exasperation. Kuroo was an idiot, and it seemed like Bokuto was pretty much the same. He wondered what Akaashi could possibly see in that man. Despite the loud music blasting out of the speakers, an awkward silence settled between the two. Kenma twisted a strand of hair around his fingers and avoided looking at Kuroo. 

“Hey, do you wanna get drunk?” Kuroo broke the silence, but he then realised what he’d just said. “To get a drink, I meant. To get a drink.”

Kenma looked up and there it was, that soft, soft smile again, and that embarrassed expression on his face. Kenma let out a sincere laugh and smiled back at Kuroo, who seemed to be caught off guard and it took him a few seconds to grin and hit Kenma lightly in the shoulder. Kenma nodded his head towards the bar and took the lead. He could use a gin and tonic, or maybe two. It might help him process his feelings, or burry them deep down. Or it might have the opposite effect but Kenma really wanted to have some fun and not spend his whole night overthinking. After all, he didn’t go out very often, he might as well try to enjoy it. He’d lost Akaashi, who had vanished the second Kuroo arrived, so they were alone, for now. 

Kenma was leaning on the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice him, and Kuroo put a hand on the small of his back. It made him shiver, but he didn’t say anything. They weren’t really talking, but it didn’t feel weird like it did earlier. The silence was kind of comfortable, as if they were communicating through their bodies and their looks. They were standing close to each other. Kuroo’s hand on his back, Kenma’s shoulder touching Kuroo’s chest. Kuroo looked at the bartender for a minute, ordered their drinks and then planted his deep gaze on Kenma again. Kenma was avoiding looking at him most of the time. But when he could feel that Kuroo got distracted by something else, he would give a sidelong look and observe each of his features. There was something very manly about his aura that night. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or the confident - almost cocky - grin planted on his lips. Kenma got distracted by his shirt slightly falling on his shoulder, his collarbones peaking out, so he hadn’t noticed Kuroo was looking at him, handing him his glass of gin. He cleared his throat, even though he didn’t have anything to say. 

A mischievous expression appeared on Kuroo’s face and he offered in a very low, very sensual voice, to go to dance. Although he didn’t really want to, Kenma agreed. He could feel all the hungry looks directed towards Kuroo. Naturally, he had all eyes on him. It hit Kenma once again how different they were. He felt like he didn’t belong, like he shouldn’t be by his side, like he shouldn’t be the one dancing with him. But Kuroo _wanted_ to dance with him. Somehow, Kenma knew that Kuroo wasn’t faking it. Even if he was starting to get pretty drunk, his didn’t tear his eyes off Kenma. Or maybe he didn’t _because_ he was pretty drunk. Kenma had downed his drink pretty quickly and he hadn’t drank alcohol in a while, so he was already feeling a bit dizzy from it. It did help him move his body without feeling too awkward. 

They were facing each other, and Kuroo was looking down at Kenma with half-lidded eyes. It was so hard to hold his heavy gaze but Kenma dared to try. Kuroo put an arm around Kenma’s waist to bring him closer until their bodies were pressed against each other. They danced like that for a while, slowly swinging to the music, the fabric of Kuroo’s clothes rubbing against Kenma’s. He could feel the bulge growing in his pants and the warmth growing in his stomach, and in Kuroo’s eyes too. Behind him, Kenma could see Akaashi dancing with Bokuto and some other guys. Their eyes crossed and Akaashi winked at him with a playful smile. Kenma blushed and shook his head, but the heat in his cheeks was a mix of embarrassment, arousal and drunkenness. He shivered when Kuroo put his hand on his cheek, making him look at him once again.

“Are you okay? You’re very red.”

“Yeah,” Kenma whispered, the word drowned in the noise around them. Then he added, elevating the voice so that Kuroo could hear him, but also because he wasn’t really controlling his tone anymore, “I’m not feeling so well. I’m gonna go get some air.”

“Do you want me to come?”

Kuroo seemed genuinely concerned about Kenma. But he was fine. It was no big deal. He just needed a small break from the crowd. He told Kuroo he would be back in five minutes and he would find him. ‘I’m sure you will’, Kuroo murmured, gently stroking Kenma’s cheek before pulling his hand away. Kenma froze for a second before finally getting out of the pit, and then rushing a bit to step outside. He only realised he’d been holding his breath once he deeply inhaled the fresh air of the night. Damn, he really was a lightweight. That and all the people around him were a bit too much. He needed a bit of time to process everything that had happened in the past hour or so. He must have been more drunk than he thought. Did he fantasise Kuroo's touch on his waist, on his cheek, his look so intense Kenma thought he could see through him? He touched his cheek where Kuroo’s hand had rested, and shook his head. It was very real. He had been flirted with by someone like Kuroo. And Kenma surprisingly didn’t hate it. In fact, he wanted more. So much more. His heart was beating fast. He took one last breath before hurrying back into the building because he wanted to be close to Kuroo again, to feel his touch on his skin. 

Of course, he couldn’t find Kuroo. He went around the club two or three times, even went to ask Bokuto but Kuroo was nowhere to be found. Kenma was frustrated, to say the least. The one time he felt brave enough to get out of his comfort zone and get with someone, and he’d fucked up the opportunity. Now Kuroo was probably getting on with someone else, there were so many options for him. And Kenma was left alone with his desires unfulfilled. Kenma sat down on a sofa in a corner and observed people absentmindedly. Everyone was dancing sensually, people were brutally making out, some in the middle of the crowd were taking pills, and Kenma was sure that others were snorting coke in the bathroom. Maybe Kuroo was that kind of person too. Kenma sighed and decided that he was going to leave. But then, his eyes got caught by a tall figure with messy hair and a red see-through top. Kuroo was in the opposite corner of the room - Kenma couldn’t see his face but it couldn’t have been someone else. But he wasn’t alone. There was another guy with him, very broad and even taller than Kuroo. This guy was _on_ Kuroo. Kissing his neck, his hand tracing down a line from his stomach to his belt and going to undo it.

Kenma didn’t know how to react. His chest tightened and he had a lump in his throat. He felt sad, almost betrayed even though it was stupid, he thought. Kuroo hadn’t promised anything to him. Nothing had even happened. He couldn’t help but feel disgust, seeing Kuroo do his business in the middle of a crowded club. Once again, Kenma was reminded how different they were, and it made sense that Kuroo would have picked someone else. Kenma was about to leave for good but Kuroo turned around and their eyes met. And what Kenma saw in them wasn’t lust, it was fear. At first Kuroo was looking at him without seeing him, but he then seemed to have a spark of lucidity and saw Kenma for real. His eyes were pleading for help. He was trying to push away the bigger guy but he was probably too drunk and weak and the other guy was forcing himself onto him a bit more, holding one of his arms firmly. Kenma panicked for a second. What was he going to do against that guy who was like, twice his size and weight? The next second, he jumped out of the sofa. He didn’t have time to overthink the situation. He rushed towards Kuroo and pulled his other arm, speaking very loudly so that people around them could hear him - ‘in case things go wrong’, he thought.

“My friend here is very drunk, and I’m _sure_ you’ve noticed. Please leave him alone,” he said in a serious tone, his voice shaking a bit, and he tried to push the stranger away.

As expected, people around them had turned around and they were watching the scene, speculating on what was going on, but not doing anything to help. _Fuck_ , Kenma let out. He was a bit scared, to be honest. This guy could knock him out any second if he wanted to. He seemed pretty angry and raised his hand but then retracted. It seemed like Kenma wasn’t going to get beat up after all. Luckily enough, the security guards were approaching them and the other guy didn’t want to make any scandal or get kicked out, so he let go of Kuroo and took off without saying anything. Soon, some people came to them, pretending they were concerned but Kenma really didn’t care and Kuroo didn’t look like he liked the inappropriate attention, so they just ignored them and tried to get away from the crowd.

“I wanna go home…” Kuroo said in an almost inaudible voice. 

“It’s okay Kuro, I’ll take you home.”

Kuroo mouthed a ‘thank you’ and gave Kenma a weak smile, reaching out for his hand. Kenma took it and squeezed it, leading them out of the club. They hurried into the first cab they could find, and Kuroo gave his address, looking at Kenma for confirmation. Kenma nodded. He wanted to make sure Kuroo was home safe before anything else. He texted Akaashi saying he’d left and not to worry even if he knew he was probably busy with _someone else_. None of them talked during the whole ride. The heavy silence was only disturbed by the sound of weak sobs. Kenma was still holding Kuroo’s hand and he was tracing tiny circles on it to try to calm him down. He felt heavy-hearted and helpless. 

They finally arrived down Kuroo’s building, but he could barely stand from the shock and the alcohol and god knows what else he was on, so Kenma took him up to his apartment. He didn’t protest, even though Kuroo was really heavy and he practically had to carry him to his bed. He went in the kitchen to get him some water, and paused in the middle of the room. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. He had been doing that a lot lately. He exhaled, and went back to Kuroo’s room. 

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me. I wasn’t going to leave you getting assaulted right before my eyes.”

“That’s what everyone else was doing,” Kuroo said, bitterly. 

“Well that guy was scary, I would have probably done the same…” _if it wasn’t for you_ was left unsaid. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap. But I’ll be fine.”

Kenma was sitting on the edge of the bed, close to Kuroo but still not close enough that they were touching. He felt weird after what had happened. Trying to get with Kuroo now would be really inappropriate and he didn’t want to give away the wrong signs. But Kuroo seemed upset, and frustrated.

“C’mere?” He probably didn’t mean this to sound like a question. His eyes were full of many emotions Kenma couldn’t quite read. 

So Kenma came closer. He was still sitting, and Kuroo was lying on his side, his knees up to his chest, but his face turned to Kenma. He reached out a hand and caressed Kenma’s cheek. Kenma allowed himself to lean into the touch. Kuroo slid his thumb along Kenma’s lips, it felt so soft, like a feather. He then wrapped his arm around Kenma’s neck, bringing him down so that their faces were a centimetre apart. Kenma could feel his hot breath on his skin. He didn’t make any movement, waiting to see if Kuroo was going to do anything. Kenma was pretty much on top of Kuroo, his hair falling on his face. Kuroo lifted his back a bit and delicately brushed his lips against Kenma but then pulled away, looking at Kenma straight in the eyes, and then staring at his lips again. 

Kenma was left wanting more. He pressed his lips against Kuroo’s eagerly, before softening when he felt Kuroo responding to the kiss. This time it was his hand on Kuroo’s cheek, his thumb brushing it gently, and Kuroo’s arm went down around his waist, pulling him closer. Kuroo tasted sweet and his kiss was very gentle, almost timid, which surprised Kenma a bit. They pulled away and breathed each other in before both leaning into the kiss again, in sync. Kuroo moved his other hand in Kenma's hair, softly tucking on it, which made Kenma moan slightly. Kuroo chuckled against his mouth, and he kept on smiling until they parted lips reluctantly. Kuroo kept his hand in Kenma's hair, pressing their foreheads together for a minute, and then he let himself fall back into the bed, bringing Kenma down with him. He had his face on Kuroo's chest and could feel his heart beat very fast. He felt warm in his cheeks and his stomach. He lifted his face so that he could look at Kuroo, who was also looking at him, a fond expression on his face. Kenma broke the silence that had settled in the room. 

“It's getting late. I should probably go.”

“Stay.” This time, Kuroo’s eyes weren’t pleading, and it wasn’t a question. His voice was firm and confident.

Kenma considered the idea for a second. It's not like he didn't like what was happening. He could also sense that the atmosphere was much more tender than earlier that night. Kenma wasn't going to get laid tonight. But then, if he stayed, it would mean sleeping in another man's bed without actually _sleeping with_ him. And somehow it felt a lot more serious and romantic, which made him a bit uncomfortable. He hadn't said anything in a while, so Kuroo obviously saw his hesitation. 

“You don't have to. But I would like it if you did,” he said in a whisper, his hand lazily playing with Kenma's hair, a soft smile on his face still.

Kenma couldn't really make sense of the feeling that grew in his chest at Kuroo's words. _I would like it if you did_. He buried his head in Kuroo's chest again to hide his face in case any expression would come and betray his emotions. 

“Okay.” He mumbled.

He couldn't see his face, but he'd bet Kuroo had a stupid grin planted on it. After a moment, Kenma crawled in the bed next to Kuroo, changing position so that he was facing him. He looked up and as he thought, Kuroo was staring at him, smiling like an idiot. 

“Go to sleep. Now.” Kenma said in a flat voice, shoving his hand in Kuroo’s face to keep him from seeing his flustered expression. 

Kuroo laughed and kissed the palm of his hand, and then he caught his wrist and pulled Kenma closer, burying his face in his hair. He whispered ‘good night’, but all Kenma could hear was ‘thank you, again’. Kenma let himself relax in the hug, nuzzled against Kuroo's neck, and soon they both fell asleep in the warm embrace. 

When Kuroo woke up the next morning, he felt cold. He patted the bed next to him but there was no one to hold. Kenma was gone. He quickly reached out for his phone but there was only Daichi's name on the screen. His messages were full of worry, ‘Kenma texted saying you might need company today’, ‘he freaked me out but he said you were okay so please call me when you're up’. Kuroo growled and turned around. The only company he wanted was Kenma’s. If he was so concerned about him, why did he leave without saying anything? Kuroo thought about texting him, but then he thought that maybe the logical explanation was that Kenma simply didn’t want to talk to him. Even thought Kuroo was very, very drunk - his throbbing headache was a good reminder of it - he remembered vividly what had happened the night before. He remembered that it was Kenma who kissed him, and that even if he’d insisted that Kenma should stay for the night, Kenma himself didn’t seem to hate it. But leaving in the morning without a word didn’t really leave any room to speculation. Kenma didn’t like Kuroo like that, in the end. He wanted to tell himself that it wasn’t such a big deal, they just kissed once after all, it wasn’t like Kuroo was in love or anything. But he would be lying to himself. Kuroo didn’t want to believe that their encounter was just the result of chance. And he did have growing feelings and affection for Kenma. So Kuroo closed his eyes and curled up in his bed, hoping that the ache in his chest was mostly because he was hungover, and that he would feel better if he slept just a bit more. At least it would keep him from facing the reality that was that he just got rejected by the guy he was falling for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I myself couldn't hold the pining anymore so I gave away and made them kiss. I just love a protective Kenma and a soft kuroken smooch... The angsty ending hurt to write, but it won't last long cause they deserve to be happy, don't they?
> 
> edit: in case I discouraged anyone to get their nipples pierced I just wanted to say that Kuroo's a wimp and it really doesn't hurt that bad!! go for it yay!! 
> 
> Talk to me in the comments or on twitter (@daisugababy)!!


	4. Chapter 4

Two days had gone by since the party. Kenma hadn’t called or texted Kuroo. Kuroo hadn’t called or texted Kenma. It seemed like they were back to square one. Like that night had never happened. Kenma knew it was his fault. He left without saying anything the morning after they got so, _so close_ , and hadn’t reached out to make sure Kuroo was fine, or to talk about what had happened between them. Truth was, Kenma was very, very lost. He hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time. He wasn’t even sure he ever felt like that for someone. This unbearable attraction that made him do things he’d never normally do. Kenma wasn’t reckless or audacious, he never did anything he hadn’t exhaustively thought through. As for his job, everything was planned and he would never go off board with his creations, even if critics claimed they were ‘groundbreaking’ or ‘helped redefining what fashion is’, because it was always _on purpose_. 

But Kuroo made him impulsive. He made him do things without thinking, and the worst was that Kuroo didn’t even know he was doing that to Kenma. He didn’t even try, he was just so charming that even Kenma couldn’t help but fall for him. He hated that he was becoming one of these guys and girls that were completely head over heels for the handsome, mysterious Kuroo. Kenma didn’t have time to be infatuated with someone, let alone someone like Kuroo. Even being fully aware of this, for some unfathomable reason, he kept wanting more. He left in the morning without saying anything, but since that he had wanted nothing but to see Kuroo again. To see this mix of a soft yet embarrassed expression on his face, to feel the sweet taste of his lips against his, and to do everything that they couldn’t do that night but they both wanted so bad. He felt insatiable and that was a whole new feeling. Kenma had also wanted to put his head through a wall everytime he had a thought like that popping in his mind. For the past two days, he’d been extremely irritable. Cursing at his coffee machine that would take too long to make his espresso, grumbling in front of his wardrobe not knowing what to wear in the morning, almost shouting at Akaashi on the phone - he couldn’t even remember the reason why. 

So Kenma hadn’t called Kuroo. Because Kenma didn’t _do_ relationships, of any sorts. The idea of being trapped into something seriously labelled scared him. It would wreak havoc in his whole life. Just the fact that he was too upset to be able to work or even game - which was usually the only thing that could completely keep him from overthinking - was a sign that he could not deal with having another person in his life. Taking care of himself was way more than enough. 

Kenma didn’t manage to get rid of this feeling of insatisfaction, of hunger. He did manage to ignore it, until he saw Kuroo again. 

He thought he’d prepared himself well enough to greet him like he would greet any other person he was working with. He thought he was ready to watch him model with the clothes he’d designed on. He thought it would be easy to just leave with a polite smile once the photoshoot was over and keep on pretending everything was fine. Apparently, he’d thought too highly of himself.

The whole facade he’d built for himself was torn down when Kuroo walked into the photo studio with a side-slit skirt and an open shirt that was only covering his arms, falling on one shoulder, provocatively showing his collarbones that had been highlighted with make up. Kenma’s heart skipped a bit. Kuroo was wearing the clothes he made, and it suited him perfectly. ‘As if it was designed for him’, Kenma thought, which was stupid because it _was_ designed for him. As if he could ever forget taking measurements and admiring Kuroo’s body from up close. 

When Kuroo walked into the photo studio, his eyes immediately caught Kenma’s. He was staring, but his expression was unreadable, as always. Kuroo had so many questions but Kenma’s face wasn’t giving away any answers. He wanted to talk to him, to know why he’d left and had gone completely radio silent for the past few days. But Kenma’s eyes were shifty, and Kuroo couldn’t confront him there, in front of all the people they were working with, just when the photoshoot was about to start. So instead, Kuroo put on his honey-glazed smile, the one people are used to see, and he walked towards the other models after casting one last look at Kenma. 

A bunch of models had been selected for the launching photoshoot of the campaign. Kenma couldn’t remember all the names. There were boys and girls, among them Kenma knew Shimizu, Iwaizumi, and Kuroo. The editor-in-chief of the magazine had insisted on assisting to the session and Kenma had understood that she was intending on giving orders. The photoshoot started off smoothly, the models posing casually sometimes alone, sometimes next to each other. Then the models started getting comfortable and their poses became more suggestive. Soon enough though, the editor-in-chief announced that she wanted to ‘spice it up’. 

“This campaign is bold. We have to do justice to what the clothes are telling us: dare,” she said euphorically. ‘Dare what’, Kenma almost mumbled. The clothes he made weren’t telling them anything. They’re clothes. He didn’t like that woman. 

“I want guys to touch guys and girls to touch girls,” she simply ordered. She then saw the look of incomprehension - and discomfort - on everyone’s face so she elaborated, “come on this is not a porn I’m trying to make. I want closeness, I want… intimacy. You, tall guy with the crazy hair,” she pointed at Kuroo. He looked back with an eyebrow cocked. “Put a hand on his chest, grab his leg, kiss him! Be bold.”

Kuroo looked disconcerted for a second but it didn’t take long for his usual confident grin to spread back on his face. He looked straight at Kenma and then right back at Iwaizumi, and the room suddenly felt a lot hotter than before. Kuroo was touching Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi was touching Kuroo. Grabbing his bicep, putting his head on his shoulder to slightly hide his face while still looking straight at the camera. Then Kuroo kneeled in front of a girl and pressed his face against her stomach. Her hand got lost in his hair, nonchalantly. The other girls were surrounding them. The whole thing was very… sexual. The editor-in-chief seemed delighted. Kenma didn’t like the feeling growing in his chest. He clenched his fists and helplessly watched the act taking place in front of his eyes. A chair was brought. Kuroo sat down and Iwaizumi went between his legs, a knee up on Kuroo’s thigh, a hand on his neck. Kuroo stared at the camera and then right behind it, where Kenma was standing. His gaze was provocative. So were his movements on Iwaizumi’s hips. Kenma clenched his fists harder. His chest tightened. 

Then, Kuroo stood up and grabbed Iwaizumi’s hair, down in the neck, and Kenma couldn’t believe what was happening right in front of him. Kuroo was kissing Iwaizumi, full-mouth, eagerly pressing against him, his hand tight in his hair, while Iwaizumi’s hand was on his chest. Kenma’s jaw dropped and his eyes were wide open. The kiss lasted long, _too long_ , so long that Sawamura had even stopped taking photos and everyone was just watching the scene as if it was a movie. Eventually they stopped kissing, and they both looked at each other panting a bit. Then they realised that everyone was staring so they pulled away. 

The whole room was silent for a heartbeat and then, weirdly, a round of applause resounded. The editor-in-chief was ecstatic, she was clapping and shouting words of congratulation. Everyone else was nodding and seemed completely satisfied with the whole thing. Kenma seemed to be the only one to notice the absurdity of the moment. His arms were hanging straight along his body, his mouth still wide-open in disbelief. His chest hurt. 

Kuroo wasn’t sure why everyone was applauding but he quite liked the feeling of appraisal. He sure had been bold, just like the editor-in-chief had demanded. Iwaizumi hit him in the shoulder lightly and they both bursted into laughter.

“Dudeeee what was that! You should have told me you wanted me that bad!” Iwaizumi teased. 

“Man I’m sorry, I got carried away with the mood. You sure seemed to like it though.”

They both laughed again, arms thrown around each other’s shoulders as if to say ‘we’re brothers, bro’. Kuroo looked up and his eyes caught Kenma’s again. He thought he would be amused, just like everyone else was, but there was no sign of satisfaction on Kenma’s face. Kuroo called his name. Kenma held his gaze for a second and then turned around and hastily left the room, without saying anything. Kuroo let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Nobody paid attention, they were still too busy blabbering about the ‘rawness’ and ‘bestiality’ of the photoshoot. Kuroo didn’t care about praises anymore.

Daichi and Iwaizumi shook him out of his absence. They offered to go for a drink with a few other people to celebrate. Kuroo was not in the mood. He contemplated the idea of running out of here and catching up to Kenma and making out with him to make up with him. But it wasn’t a movie, it was reality, and Kenma would probably ignore him or slap him and leave anyway. He was just so confused. Kenma kept sending mixed signals. 

“Kuroo. You here?” Daichi called.

“Sorry. Let’s go,” Kuroo indulged with a weak smile.

“Are you okay? Is this about Kenma…” Daichi half asked, but he knew the answer already. 

Kuroo just shrugged and Daichi patted his back with a warm, knowing smile. Kuroo suddenly felt drained from all his energy, like he’d used up all his good mood of the day and needed to recharge his batteries. It was so frustrating. Going for a drink with his friends after a good day of work was usually his favourite thing to do. But it had just lost all flavour. He stared at his phone the whole night, hoping a message would come, thinking maybe he should send one. He replayed what had happened at the party, the way Kenma stood up for him, the way he took care of him, the way they kissed - so perfect, like they were two long-connected pieces finally coming together to make one. And then the fact that Kenma left and ignored him that day and the days before. Too many contradictions he couldn’t make sense of. 

**

So much noise. Such a crowded place. Kuroo was about to be in the light, in front of all these eyes. The night of the campaign’s first fashion show had finally come, two weeks after the launching photoshoot. It was organised along a charity fundraising to support the LGBTQ+ community, in resonance with the whole discourse made around the campaign. In other circumstances, Kuroo would be happy. He loved fashion shows. The rush of walking on the runway, all eyes on you. The euphoria of being the centre of attention, for a fraction of second, and disappearing the second after. The make-up, the clothes. It was something he would usually look forward to. This time, Kuroo was anxious. He hadn’t seen Kenma in two weeks. He caught a glimpse of him once at the agency, one of many days they were preparing for the show. But the rest of the time, they’d divided the models so that girls were working with Kenma, and boys with his assistant. Kuroo wasn’t sure if Kenma had done that on purpose to carefully avoid him. He wanted to believe it was coincidence, but he wasn’t that naive. He could only imagine how stressed out Kenma must have been, how little he’d probably slept, how exhausted he probably was. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Of course he could have framed Kenma in his office to finally face him about this situation. But it would have been a terrible idea and a terrible timing. So Kuroo suffered in silence and waited for that day to come so he could finally confront him. It’d felt weird. Kuroo couldn’t quite describe his feelings. He was lost. He didn’t know what to chase anymore. He felt like he didn’t have a purpose.

The changing room was noisy and busy. Kageyama was going around everyone to make sure there was nothing wrong with the clothes, that everything was in place. A woman was putting make-up on Kuroo’s face while another guy was doing his hair. Right now, he didn’t have time to overthink. He just needed to focus on not fucking up on the runway. Being the best version of him. He could do that, he was used to it. He glanced at one corner of the room, where he could see Daichi standing awkwardly. He smiled slightly but got scolded by the woman doing his lips. Daichi replied with a warm smile that made Kuroo feel better instantly. His best friend was here to support him. He would be fine.

Quickly, the atmosphere changed in the room. It was time. Everyone suddenly hurried around, the models were pressed to get up and gather around, the girls finally joining them. Kenma was here. He stood up on the chair so that everyone could see him. His eyes paused on Kuroo, and then drifted away and seemed to look away in the distance. 

“Today’s a big day. I hope you’re all ready, and all feeling fine. Everyone looks great.” There was some kind of pride in his voice, and Kuroo couldn’t help but smile a little. “Uh, good luck, I guess.” 

The second after, the organised chaos was back. Everyone got out of the room, the models lined up in the order they’d been told to, ready to go. The lights went out, and when the music came on spotlights were turned on again, directly aimed at the entry of the runway. It started. Kuroo was on the stage and off the second after. Then he quickly had to go get change with the second outfit and the next minute, he was on again. And off again. It lasted thirty minutes, but it felt like a fraction of second. In the distance, he could hear the crowd’s applause. He was breathing fast, from the stress and the excitement, and the pressure that was going down. What was supposed to happen after that? 

Right. He needed to get changed. And then get some champagne to celebrate with Daichi. And then. Kenma.

All he could think about was Kenma. He needed to talk to him. He’d waited long enough, and now it was over. Now he had to see him.

He got changed hurriedly, and joined the reception room in hopes of finding who he was looking for. He got lucky - or maybe his eyes could see him from miles away - and found him immediately, standing next to a table, a drink in his hand. He was alone but it probably wouldn’t last for long because everyone wanted to have their moment with the ‘real star of the show’. Somehow he could feel that Kenma was not comfortable with the crowd and all the attention. Kuroo took the time to observe him in detail from his corner of the room. He looked incredibly beautiful, Kuroo thought. He’d gotten changed and was wearing some kinda of kimono-suit hybrid, probably of his own confection. The golden details contrasted with the red, satin fabric and matched perfectly the colour of his eyes. His hands barely peeked out of the large sleeves, and Kuroo noticed that at the bottom of his flared suit trousers, he was wearing platform shoes. He was very elegant, and somehow intimidating.

Kuroo hesitated but headed towards the bar first. He ordered a bunch of drinks made of vodka and downed them in a record time. Then he order some sort of homemade punch. And then a glass of champagne to look as fancy as everyone else here. He was hoping to find courage in alcohol even though he knew it was a terrible idea. He downed the champagne and felt the bubble going up his brain. He shook his head, looked for Kenma again and when he found him almost ran towards him.

“Kenma.” Kuroo called. Kenma didn’t turn around. “Kenma. Kenma!” 

He finally turned his head and stared at Kuroo, emptily.

“What do you want?” He asked flatly, but Kuroo swore he could hear a trait of irritation in his voice. 

What did he want? Kuroo hadn’t thought that far. He had a tone of questions he wanted to ask but he could feel that Kenma had build a barrier between them, to keep him at distance. It made him uncomfortable and he was lost for words. He tried to stutter something out, alcohol not helping with forming words out of his hazy thoughts. 

“Why are you avoiding me?” 

“I’m not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Kuro.”

“Sorry. But you are. You haven’t called, or texted, you’ve been clearly avoiding me at the agency and then there was the photoshoot…”

“What about it?” He blurted out. 

What about it? Kuroo didn’t really know either. Maybe he’d completely imagined Kenma being jealous. Maybe he’d over interpreted his body language. Maybe he’d mistaken ignorance and indifference. Maybe he was too drunk to even care at this point.

“You didn’t like seeing me kiss Iwaizumi,” he stated. 

“Uh,” Kenma whispered, sounding out of breath. He shrugged. “I don’t care, Kuro.”

“I think you do. Would it kill you to admit it?” Kuroo waited for an answer that didn’t come.

It almost sounded like he was pleading. He wanted Kenma to tell him that of course he’d been jealous because he liked him, and Kuroo wouldn’t even care for any explanation on why Kenma had been avoiding him. He stepped closer, but Kenma stepped back. Kuroo froze, disconcerted. 

“Kenma.” He stepped closer again. This time, Kenma didn’t move. “Say something.”

Kenma opened his mouth, and then closed it again. His eyes were shifty, almost sad. He was fidgeting with his fingers, tracing the rim of his glass. He still wasn’t saying anything. Kuroo wanted to push, one more time. He could feel that Kenma was about to let his defences down. He was so close.

Unfortunately, the whole world seemed to be working against Kuroo that night. A man came in out of nowhere, completely ignoring the unbearable tension between the two men and grabbed Kenma, pulling him towards the stage and shouting many incomprehensible words. Kuroo made sense of some, “Kozume-san”, and then “looking for you for an hour!”, and also “speech time”. 

A second later, Kenma was on stage, all eyes on him, but all he could see was Kuroo. It did not help with the anxiety of standing in front of hundreds of people who expected him to actually say coherent words. His mind couldn’t focus on anything other than Kuroo and the conversation they were having. He was so close to cave in, to tell Kuroo that he hated that he liked him. That he hated that something other than his job seemed to matter in his life. That he couldn’t focus. That he couldn’t sleep. That he felt so unnerving every time he was around, and every time he wasn’t. That he could barely recognise himself. 

Kenma was startled by a small push on his back. The stage assistant was looking at him with inquiry. Kenma realised he’d probably stayed silent for an awkward moment, standing on stage. People were starting to be impatient, which made him even more nervous. They were expecting too much of him. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and found Kuroo’s eyes again. This time, he could feel his heartbeat slow down. He felt a lot calmer. 

“Hum. Good evening.” He paused, breathed again, not letting go of Kuroo’s gaze. “My name is Kozume Kenma. I want to thank you all for coming tonight, and for giving such a warm response to the show we put out.”

Kuroo smiled, his expression half warm, half sad. He was standing alone in the back of the room. He raised his glass towards Kenma and nodded, and Kenma read ‘cheers’ on his lips. Suddenly, he felt like crying, without even knowing why. He wanted to get out of here right in that moment. He wanted to shout at all these people so that they would stop looking at him when he was so vulnerable. 

“Thank you again, please enjoy the rest of your night”, he managed to mutter, his voice cracking at the end. 

He hastily got off stage and tried his best to hide in a corner of the room to calm down. He felt really stupid. He realised once again that he was still not able to handle _that_ part of his job. All of this was too much for him. He could not handle picking up the conversation where they left off with Kuroo. He also really wanted to see him. He was facing once again the internal conflict between his feelings and his reason. Maybe alcohol could help him loosen up. He didn’t take the time to think if it was a good or a bad idea, he just wanted something to _destress_. His drink was so strong that by the time he’d finished it, he forgot what he initially ordered it for. 

Kenma felt his head spinning. His eyes wandered through the room. At this point, he was looking for any familiar face. He saw Akaashi and rushed towards him. He was in a conversation with a bunch of people Kenma didn’t want to talk to, so he grabbed his sleeve and tucked it without saying anything. Akaashi turned around and raised an eyebrow. Kenma still didn’t say a word but pulled his friend to bring him away. Akaashi excused himself and just followed Kenma, silently. 

“‘Kaashi,” Kenma muttered. He realised he was more drunk than he thought because words didn’t seem to leave his mouth the way he intended to.

“What’s wrong?”

“You seen Kuro?”

Akaashi tilted his head, but he seemed to understand the situation somehow.

“No. I think he left.”

“Was he alone? D’he leave with Iwaizumi?”

Akaashi put a hand on Kenma’s shoulder and squeezed it. Kenma’s eyes were moving all around the room to see if he could find Iwaizumi to confirm his doubts. He seemed lost and confused and drunk. He’d completely lost his usual composure and knew it wouldn’t be long until his self-control disappeared as well, leaving him subjected to his instincts. Kenma didn’t trust his instincts in moments like this. They were screaming to go find Kuroo and do something he would probably regret the next day.

“Kenma. I’m pretty sure he left alone.” Kenma’s shifty gaze stopped on Akaashi. “He was looking for you.”

Kenma felt a shiver down his spine. His self control was gone. Akaashi understood and tried to reason with him but Kenma was too stubborn. He kept telling his friend ‘you don’t understand’ like a frantic litany. He knew that he was drunk enough to be reckless, but not drunk enough that he wasn’t fully aware of what he was about to do. He shook his head as Akaashi told him that he would take him home, and then slapped his hand away furiously. He mumbled some kind of apology while rushing outside, making sure he would lose his friend among the crowd. He didn’t want him to tell him what he was supposed to do. He knew. He called a cab. He surely wasn’t sober enough to realise he was leaving his own fashion show just to satisfy his primary instincts and desire. The impulsiveness he hated so much had taken control of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're here that means you haven't given up on this fic even if it took me forever to update. So thank you so much for reading!! 
> 
> Seems like next chapter will be a wrap up for Kuroo and Kenma's story. 
> 
> Until next time, you can come and talk to me in the comments or on twitter (@daisugababy)!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small warning before you read: this chapter is highly NSFW. If you're not comfortable with this but still want to know the outcome, I suggest you skip the whole part between "Kuroo's eyes went round" up until the asterisks.  
> Enjoy the chapter!

The apartment was wrapped in a disconcerting quiet that contrasted with the racket of the show. Kuroo’s ears were buzzing from the noise and the alcohol. He’d spent a long time in the shower, hoping it would make his head hurt less and slow down the pace of his heart. When he got out, he was only feeling weird and lonely, his chest hollow and his eyes watery. He knew it was partly because of alcohol, but mostly because of Kenma. He put on some music to fill up the flat and then stood in the middle of his living room for a moment, gaze into the void. He eventually decided to lie down on the floor next to the couch. He shut his eyes and let the music calm him down, humming absent-mindedly to the lyrics.

He must have had fallen asleep, because he was startled by his intercom buzzing again and again and again. He peaked at his phone. 4:30 in the morning. His heart started beating fast again. He was panicking, exploring all the possibilities. If it was breaking and entering, the thief probably wouldn’t have rung the bell. ‘Don’t be such a pussy’, he whispered to himself, finally getting up as the intercom was still buzzing frantically. His head was hazy. He pressed the button and the security camera turned on, revealing a blond, tiny figure at the building door.

“Kenma..?”

“Hey. Can you let me in. It’s cold,” Kenma replied in a quiet voice, almost inaudible through the intercom, as he was looking down at his feet.

Kuroo did not think twice and buzzed him in. He did not have time to process the fact that Kenma came all the way to his apartment and he had no idea why, because he was already at his door, panting, probably cause he’d ran up the stairs. Kuroo wondered why he was in such a hurry.

“Kenma,” Kuroo said again in a whisper. For a second he thought he was still asleep and dreaming because he didn’t understand. “What are you doing here..?”

Once again, Kuroo didn’t know how to read Kenma’s expression in his eyes, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away. They stayed like this, staring at each other, Kuroo in his apartment, Kenma at the door, for what felt like eternity. Kenma didn’t say anything. Kuroo’s half asleep brain couldn’t process all the questions he wanted to ask. Time felt strangely distorted the next moment: like it was both in slow motion and fast forward. Kenma stepped in, slowly _but hastily_. It made Kuroo shiver. He grabbed Kuroo’s neck, slowly _but hastily,_ his fingers scratching the short hair in his nape. And he kissed him, so, _so_ slowly but so, _so_ hastily Kuroo felt his head spinning. He was definitely caught off-guard, still incapable of processing what was happening but his lips automatically responded to the kiss as if it was natural. Kenma was meant to be here. His lips were meant to be on Kuroo’s. He tangled his hands in Kenma’s hair and their kiss was a lot wilder than the first one they’d exchanged, the first time Kenma had been in his apartment. Kenma pulled away to breathe but Kuroo caught his lips again the next second. He didn’t want to let go, to let him slip away. He thought that the slightest wrong move could be fatal. Kenma could just storm out and leave him breathless at any second, just like he came in.

It didn’t seem like he was going to though. His arms were still wrapped around Kuroo’s neck, and his fingers sometimes pulling on Kuroo’s hair would instantly make him moan. Kuroo opened his eyes to see if Kenma was finally giving away anything. His eyes were closed but his expression was intense, almost painful. It made Kuroo want him even more. He grabbed his ass to lift him up so that Kenma would wrap his legs around his waist. He weighted so little that Kuroo almost fell back with the momentum he’d gained. Kenma laughed softly against his lips. Kuroo felt his heart melt. They stopped kissing and looked at each other tenderly, the atmosphere changing between them. Kuroo carried Kenma to the couch where he laid him down and then held his body up above him. He caressed his cheek tenderly and didn’t care how much of a sap he was. Kenma leaned into the touch, turning his head slightly to kiss the palm of Kuroo’s hand. Then, he planted his gaze on Kuroo again, and the light in his eyes had changed. For once, Kuroo could clearly read what it was. He felt warm in the stomach.

He leaned down, pressing his body against Kenma and started kissing him again. The moment of tenderness had passed and through the kisses they were both asking for more, more, _more_. Kenma’s hands slipped under Kuroo’s shirt, stroking his back up and down. Kuroo was grinding against him. He bit his earlobe and then kissed his neck, and this time it was Kenma that let out a moan. Kuroo couldn’t help but growl at that sound.

“Kenma,” he muttered breathless between two kisses. “Kenma... you’re drunk.”

Kenma nuzzled into Kuroo’s neck, biting all over the soft skin.

“So?” he asked without raising his head up.

“So. Are you sure you wanna do this?” Kuroo really hoped the answer would be yes, which is why he didn’t pull away either. But Kenma pushed him slightly so they were looking at each other.

“Kuro. I know what I’m doing. Don’t be a party pooper.”

Kuroo eyes went round, but the next second he was smiling fondly at Kenma. He pecked him on the cheek and then sprinkled feather-light kisses on his nose, his eyelids, along his jaw, until he finally went back to his lips and picked it where they left off. They could both feel they were going hard against each other. Kenma’s hands traced a line along Kuroo’s abs down to the tiny line of hairs below his belly button. He went down to his trousers and started to undo his button but he felt Kuroo flinch, so he stopped immediately. Kuroo’s gaze was avoiding Kenma’s.

“Are you okay?” Kenma whispered.

Flashbacks of the night out and that stranger touching Kuroo and Kuroo being helpless were passing before his eyes. He squeezed them shut really hard to make them go away. When he opened them, Kenma was looking at him with a soft, concerned expression.

“We don’t have to go further, Kuro.”

“I want to.” There was no hesitation in Kuroo’s voice. “I want you.”

Kuroo could see Kenma was hesitating. He reached out for his hand that was resting on his abs and intertwined their fingers. He kissed them, licked them - and he noticed the blush on Kenma’s cheeks when he did it - and then kissed Kenma, positioning his hand on his stomach again. Hesitantly, Kenma picked up where he left off, exploring Kuroo’s body. He went down to his now undone trousers and grabbed his ass through the fabric, bringing their bodies closer together. They both moaned at the feeling of tightness in their underwears. Kenma then seemed to have decided that Kuroo’s bottoms were not necessary anymore so he brought them down to his knee. Kuroo was fully exposed. He remembered the day Kenma had taken his measurements, touching every part of his body. Now here they were, half naked against each other, Kenma touching him again and this time he didn’t feel inappropriate for wanting him so badly.

Kenma grabbed his cock and started caressing him slowly at first. Kuroo closed his eyes to take in all the sensations and process what was happening. It felt so good. He was grinding against Kenma’s hand, mouth half-opened and breath heavy. Kenma’s left hand was busy tracing figures on Kuroo’s thigh, sometimes brushing it with his nails, sometimes barely touching the skin with the tip of his fingers. Then he caressed his butt cheeks tenderly, and grabbed them more firmly when the pace of his stroke on Kuroo’s cock became quicker. He wanted it to last forever, but quick enough the arousal and the tiredness brought him close to orgasm. He decided it was too early to come. He grabbed Kenma’s hand softly, followed for a few more brushes up and down and pushed it away. He leaned down for another kiss, lavish and full of tongue. He bit Kenma’s lower lip to hear the delicious sound of a quiet moan escape his mouth. The rawness of his voice vibrated through his whole body.

He realised Kenma was still fully dressed under his own half-naked body. He looked at him with half-lidded eyes while untying his kimono, slowly discovering his milk-white, hairless skin. Kuroo spread a hand over his chest, tracing circles on it with the very tip of his fingers. He leaned down to kiss a mole right in between Kenma’s pecs. He made his way down Kenma’s body, leaving bite marks on his neck and soft kisses on his chest. He lingered over his left nipple, sucking gently on it. Then, he made his way down again and stopped to kiss Kenma’s belly-button. He traced the line between there and his trousers with his tongue, stopping again to nuzzle at the soft skin right above his crouch. He undid his button and pulled down his trousers and underpants while kissing his stomach. He ran his mouth from there to the base of Kenma’s cock, his lips barely touching the skin, his breath making Kenma shiver. Kuroo looked up at Kenma. He was looking down at him, eyes half-closed, lower lip caught between his teeth. He was a vision. Kuroo felt hotter in the cheek and in the stomach. He wanted him so much.

He licked the tip of his cock and took it in his mouth slowly, his gaze still holding Kenma’s. When he dived deeper, Kenma closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly, letting out a long and barely audible moan he’d probably been holding in for a while. The noises he was making while Kuroo was blowing him were heavenly to his ears. He was himself moaning and murmuring chocked sounds, and every vibration of his throat around Kenma’s cock sent shivers through Kenma’s body. When Kuroo pulled out and then took it in again fully, Kenma shut his legs around Kuroo’s head so hard it almost hurt and made him even harder at the same time.

“Kuro” Kenma whimpered, the pitch of his voice high from arousal. “Fuck me...”

“Fuck.” Kuroo let out, completely breathless.

He looked at Kenma abashed for a few seconds before recollecting what was left of his coherent thoughts. He pulled away, wiped his mouth and searched through the stuff on the coffee table for a condom and some lub. He took off his shirt and then, he executed Kenma’s order. He started with one finger, then two, and then Kenma was already so worked up he barely added a third one before pulling away and putting on the condom. Kuroo looked at him and when Kenma nodded, he finally put his cock inside of him. He was so hard it was almost painful for him, and definitely painful for Kenma at first. He tried his best to keep a slow pace at first so that Kenma would ease off. When Kenma grabbed his ass to push him a bit further inside him, the sensation made their bodies shake in pleasure. It became an effusion of moan, airless breath and the lavish sound of their bodies slapping together at every thrust. Kuroo thought sex had never felt that good. The moment was ethereal.

Tears were forming at the corner of Kenma’s eyes both from pain and pleasure. His head was hazy. He could barely process the situation. He was so aroused by Kuroo, making love to him, his eyes closed to take in all the sensations, sometimes bending down to kiss clumsily Kenma at the corner of his lips. He grabbed his cock and tried to match the pace of the strokes with Kuroo’s thrusts. He was going deeper and deeper, hitting where it felt good and it was already too much. It didn’t take long for him to spill all over his stomach, letting out a tiny cry that he tried to muffle in Kuroo’s neck. When Kuroo saw Kenma’s face as he reached climax, he couldn’t hold it anymore. When he came, he felt like he was watching himself from above, like his soul had left his body and returned the second after through a thousands of pins and needles under his skin. He’d used up the entirety of his strength and energy, so he plopped all his weight down on Kenma who was still trying to catch his breath.

They both stayed there panting for a few minutes. Kuroo slowly felt Kenma’s breath slowing down, his head going up and down as Kenma’s chest did the same.

“Kuro. You’re heavy.”

Kuroo raised his head, looking into Kenma’s golden eyes.

“Hi,” he said with a playful smile.

“Hey,” Kenma whispered, ruffling his already messy hair. “Get up or I’m throwing you off the couch.”

“Mean,” Kuroo pouted, and then pushed himself up with his arms to peck on Kenma’s cheek. “Let’s go to bed.”

He got up and reached out a hand to Kenma. He grabbed it and was thankful he did because when he got on his feet, he almost fell from the dizziness. His head was spinning and his legs were still trembling from the intensity of it all. Kuroo threw himself on the bed first, and Kenma hopped in like a cat, climbing up Kuroo’s body that was so long it was all over the bed. When Kenma complained about it, Kuroo let out a tiny chuckle while wrapping his arms around Kenma to bring him closer. They talked for a while. Then they made love again. Kenma was on top of Kuroo, lazily going up and down, following a slow, slow pace. They were both exhausted but their bodies were automatically responding to their arousal. They reached their orgasm silently, Kuroo first, Kenma a few seconds after, his head thrown back and mouth half-opened. They didn’t even take the time to clean up and fell asleep in that position, Kuroo’s hand wandering in Kenma’s hair, Kenma’s face buried in Kuroo’s neck.

**

Kuroo reached out to grab his phone on the bedside table. He only opened one eye and was blinded by the screen light and the numbers reading ‘7:38am’. Considering he had sex all night, he shouldn’t have been awake already. He growled and turned around hoping to find Kenma’s tiny body to hold warm against him and cradle him back to sleep. But there was no one to hold on to. The bed was empty and the bedroom door was slightly open. The apartment seemed extremely quiet, just like it was before Kenma got here. Kuroo had a bitter taste of déjà vu in his mouth. He rubbed his eyes, let out a sigh and gathered enough strength to get up. His feet were met with the cold wooden floor, so he growled again. He grabbed some sweatpants that were lying around and risked himself out of the bedroom, anxious to realise that his intuition was perhaps true.

Relief took over his body when he saw Kenma’s tiny figure roaming around the kitchen, wearing one of his shirt that looked so big on him it was like a dress. He untied his hair and then tied it again and even from behind Kuroo could imagine the frown he must have had on his face. Kenma was startled when Kuroo came behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, one slipping under his shirt to rest on his stomach. Kenma’s cold skin against his palm almost felt like a delicious burn. He moved a strand of hair to uncover the crook of his neck, and placed a delicate kiss, feeling Kenma’s pulse under his lips.

“Why you awake?” He whispered as if he was scared of waking up someone.

Kenma shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep anymore. I didn’t want to wake you up, I just wanted coffee.”

“You do know coffee won’t help with the sleep right?” Kuroo said with a soft smile that Kenma couldfeel in his neck. Kenma didn’t say anything, so Kuroo dared asking the question hanging above their head like a sword. “You wanna talk?”

“Not really,” Kenma said in a barely audible voice.

He turned around to face Kuroo, the sunrise light reflecting in his golden eyes. Kuroo thought he had never seen anyone this beautiful after waking up from what was nothing but a one-hour nap in the early morning. Kenma pushed himself on his arms to sit on the kitchen counter, allowing Kuroo to fit in between his legs.

“But you do.” Kenma finally added. “So go ahead.” His voice was oddly soft.

“Do you regret what happened?” Kuroo asked carefully. He didn’t want to scare Kenma off.

“No.”

Kuroo blinked. No a trace of doubt or hesitation in his voice. He took it as a good sign.

“Good, cause you know with the alcohol and stuff I thought maybe-”

“Kuro. I’m fine. It was nice. More than nice even.”

Kuroo took a deep breath and smiled softly. He cupped Kenma’s face with his hand and then tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. He wondered when this gesture of tenderness had become a habit, a mechanical movement of his hand. He almost pulled it away but Kenma grabbed it with his own, leaving it resting here on his cheek. The moment felt oddly familiar. Kuroo’s eyes were lured by the peach colour of the sky where the moon was still visible but the sun came to meet her. He wished the sun would never rise so that they didn’t have to think about what it was, what it meant or where it was going. So that he didn’t have to worry about it being a one time thing. So that he didn’t have to die for just a tiny insight of what was going on inside of Kenma’s head right in that moment.

“I don’t want this to be a one time thing, Kuro.” He shivered, thinking maybe Kenma could read his mind and hear all his sappy thoughts. “It’s just...” Kenma agitated his arms above his head in wide movements. Kuroo nodded.

“Overwhelming?”

“Yes. That.” He paused. “We work together. We deal with the same people. It’s complicated.”

Kuroo nodded again. He buried his face in Kenma’s neck. From the corner of his eye, he could see the peach of the sky changing into pale blue and cursed the sun. He got his head up and looked at Kenma again, his eyes half closed from sleep, his head slightly tilted to rest in Kuroo’s hand. He leaned in for a kiss that was gentle and full of everything he wanted to tell Kenma. They both pulled away but stayed close to each other. Kuroo hid his face in Kenma’s neck again.

“It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I just wanna keep seeing you,” Kuroo whispered, because this time he was afraid Kenma could hear. “And you know, also have sex and stuff,” Kuroo added with a huff to pretend it wasn’t that deep.

For a moment longer than a heartbeat, Kenma didn’t say anything, and Kuroo thought that maybe Kenma really didn’t hear. Eventually, Kenma pushed him slightly on the shoulder so that he would get up. This time, he cupped Kuroo’s face, his lips stretching so slightly in the corners.

“Yeah. Me too.” He traced the shape of Kuroo’s eyes with his finger, and then kissed right below. Then he pulled away, still smirking. “Just the sex part, of course.”

Kuroo looked at him offended, mouth half-opened, and flicked his forehead. They both laughed softly, half-naked and bathing in the sunlight of that early Friday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, I want to thank you for still caring about this fic and its updates. It took me forever to actually write a love scene that didn't make me want to tear my eyes out, but here it is. I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I know I said this chapter was supposed to be the final one, but I changed my mind and I'll be publishing an epilogue cause I love these two too much. 
> 
> Until next time, you can come and talk to me in the comments or on twitter (@daisugababy)!!


End file.
